


Dango and Mayonnaise

by velvetcat09



Category: Gintama
Genre: Character Death, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Suicide, Terminal Illnesses, Tragedy, please don't say I didn't warn you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:41:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26696917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velvetcat09/pseuds/velvetcat09
Summary: That night, Hijikata understood completely what Mitsuba did.---contains major character deathhappy ending, though, if you accept it
Relationships: Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki, Hijikata Toushirou/Okita Mitsuba (past)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 45





	Dango and Mayonnaise

**Author's Note:**

> CONTAINS MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH  
> yes  
> i'm putting this again and again because i want to make sure that if you're going to proceed, you do it on your own volition and don't blame me if you get surprised or what.  
> if you don't want to venture deeper than sure, look away, it's fine.

Gintoki found him where he thought he would be. Right on the rooftop of a building.

How predictable.

Yet that predictability was the very thing that made it easy for Gintoki to search for him, to catch him when he falls. But the man was stubborn to the core, wouldn’t fall no matter how hard Gintoki pries those fingers off the railings. Wouldn’t let himself be caught, refused to be saved.

Such is the pride of the Demonic Vice-commander of Shinsengumi.

“Hijikata-kun, if I die, what would you offer on my grave?”

Hijikata turned his head to look at Gintoki. His eyes darted at the permhead’s face, then at the horizon, then at the face again; cigarette dangling in his mouth.

“… Dango.”

“You really aren’t considerate of others, huh.”

“You should be grateful I’m not coming to your grave empty-handed.” Hijikata held out his cigarette and puffed out a smoke. “That’s an odd question to begin with, what are you even asking that for?”

Gintoki looked at him, then at the distance. The scenery was a calming gradient of warm and cold. Dinner time was right around the corner.

“I’d offer you mayonnaise.” He deflected Hijikata’s question.

“Why?” Why was he deflecting his question? Why was he asking it in the first place? Why were they having this conversation?

“Because your taste is shit but I’m a better human being than you ever will be so even I know to offer my enemy’s his disgusting favorite food.” Gintoki sneered and that erased all the questions inside Hijikata’s head.

Not knowing where this conversation was going and to begin with, before Gintoki even arrived here on the rooftop, Hijikata’s head was blank of any particular thoughts. He was drifting just like the twilight breeze. The scent of nicotine accompanied him and it would’ve been enough.

“Enjoying mayonnaise even in the afterlife, don’t you think your taste will change after death?”

“I’m bound to remember my taste even in the afterlife if you offered it on my grave, aren’t I?”

Gintoki rested his face on his palm, leaning on the iron railings. “If you’re just going to eat the same stuff in the afterlife, why not just eat plenty while you’re still alive. Eat to your heart’s content until you can eat no more, then go to the afterlife without wanting to eat it anymore.”

“Just say that you don’t want to offer me mayonnaise on my grave, permhead.”

Gintoki peered at him and Hijikata found himself halting. He didn’t move when Gintoki’s hand reached for his face and plucked the cigarette from his mouth.

“I’m saying, that you should stop smoking and live longer, Hijikata.”

Gintoki crushed the cigarette with his boot before leaving Hijikata alone in the rooftop.

* * *

There is a cycle to all addiction. A beginning to every mistake. Nothing is without cause. When one sought relief in something, relied on it too much that one became dependent of said thing, it is a predictable outcome.

Hijikata was prone to addiction, it’s a fact that he himself wondered from time to time. Maybe it was the stress building up and eating him from the inside out, that he needed an outlet. Maybe his brain was lacking a certain type of chemicals, so his brain subconsciously sought for substances. No matter the reasoning, in the end it turned into a habit. And that’s when every addictions became a bad case.

“How bad is it, sensei?”

“It is still in the early stage and could be treated. But there is no guarantee that when it is treated and removed, it won’t come back.”

“What’s the treatment?”

“It will be surgery of removing the cancer cell. There is also an option of radiotherapy if you don’t want surgery. We might give you chemotherapy afterwards, depending on the condition.”

Hijikata weighted everything in his thoughts. In his silence, he thought about how things were slowly biting him back. He couldn’t let anyone knew; it would jeopardize everything. The Shinsengumi, Kondo-san, Gin—

The cruelty of this, perhaps, divine punishment was how it reminded him of Mitsuba. Was this the cycle he must bear?

“I will take the surgery.”

* * *

Hijikata reduced his works. Not that there were many nowadays, after what happened to the Central Terminal, all the fighting and protecting. Fewer Amanto meant fewer oppositions. Fewer oppositions meant fewer terrorists. Fewer terrorists meant fewer cases for the Shinsengumi to handle, and consequently, fewer reports on his plate.

He didn’t do much patrol nowadays; he took more time off. No one said a thing about his more relaxed schedule because everybody was more relaxed as well. He had let Sougo took more of his naps and in return the guy didn’t question it when Hijikata loitered more than he worked. The world moved forward and he became more lax in the process, this was noticed by the rest of Edo, so of course no one gave so much of a thought at the Vice-commander losing his demonic essence.

Hijikata frequented the rooftops of buildings, he didn’t smoke in public anymore and excused himself to the rooftops by saying he’ll be having a smoke. They viewed him as being considerate and that Hijikata was truly becoming one. Very considerate in fact that he didn’t exhale a single smoke in the air. He just watched the horizon moved while trying to breathe a little easier after the surgery. He took all of the doctor’s suggestions. He ate well, rested well, stopped smoking, stopped working too much.

If doing all that could extend this pitiful life of his a bit longer, he’d do everything in a heartbeat.

* * *

He extended his life by two years.

He checked up regularly as per the doctor’s words. He followed the instructions to the dot. He made sure he did everything in order to keep himself alive longer, he was told to live longer after all. He tried. He swore he did his best. But when the doctor said that there was another cancer cell developing in his liver, and that they missed it because they were too focused on his lungs, Hijikata had to stop himself from assaulting the doctor.

He did full body scan, before and after surgery. He did chemo as well. All he did while keeping it behind the curtain from everybody else. And somehow this doctor that he trusted with his life, had the audacity to tell him that they _missed_ the one growing in his liver?

And at that point Hijikata realized, this was his fate all along. He accepted it on his way to the Yorozuya’s place. He was to stay the night at Gintoki’s place today. Two years were more than enough time for their relationship to develop from drinking buddies to something a little bit closer, something that merits a greeting kiss even in public.

When Gintoki greeted him at the door and kissed him welcome, Hijikata thought of his fate. Gintoki held him close during the night and Hijikata recalled of Mitsuba’s fate.

In a way, it was a cycle of leaving and being left. That night, Hijikata understood completely what Mitsuba did.

* * *

“Are you sure about this, Hijikata-san?”

“Yes. These are all it, after that, I leave it to you.” Hijikata knelt in front of the 19th Ikeda Yaemon.

Asaemon wavered. Hijikata knew she would, no matter how much convincing he had done, she would still waver, of course. He couldn’t blame her.

“You could still get it treated, Hijikata-san. There are better ways, this shouldn’t be—”

“Even if it is treated, it’s already too late. If I tell everyone now, they will just see me confinee in hospital bed for God knows how long. If living means being helpless and letting those I treasure watch this body rot day by day, then I’d rather die and not prolonged the inevitable. I don’t want to cause them that kind of burden.” Hijikata wondered if Mitsuba had thought of the same thing.

Asaemon still wavered.

“It will be fine. I won’t lie to anyone after this, I’ve written everything on the letters I trust you to deliver to them once this is over. By the time they read it, I will no longer be here. It is fully my decision, they have no reason to regret anything.”

“But—”

“On top of everything, I don’t want him to see me like this.” Hijikata looked up. His pained look, he didn’t know if it was because of his cancer or the thought of Gintoki. He didn’t want to know which was it. “ _Please, I beg you_.”

Asaemon closed her eyes and swallowed the bile in her throat. She unsheathed her sword.

“It will be quick, it won’t hurt. You will return as human.”

Hijikata picked up the wakizashi and aligned it in front of his stomach.

“Thank you.”

* * *

Gintoki placed a plate of dango on the stone, he pulled out a bottle of mayonnaise and squeezed a dollop on top of the sweets. He clasped his hands in prayer before picking up one of the sticks. The trail of burning incense wafting in the air and Gintoki gazed at the carving on the stone.

He took a bite at the mayonnaise covered dango.

“You have shitty taste, Hijikata.”

**Author's Note:**

> moral of the story is smoking kills you


End file.
